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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

On Addiction

I've recently decided that I am a bit of a wow addict. Okay I am a full blown WoW addict with multiple re-occurances of the disorder. I've read many things and determined that Blizzard's game plays to my manic-depressive tendencies and its quick reward system makes playing for a "little bit longer" more of a problem than its ever been for me. To be frank and honest I have a hard road ahead of me to prevent myself from doing what I always do: Stall and feel confident that I don't need to play WOW for a few weeks or months, then con myself into believing that I can control my access to the game, or that I will only play casually. Finally I ruin some aspect of my life by spending all my free time in THAT game. It's a viscious circle that I have been caught in for some time.

I think at times like this, that is when I am attempting like the junkie that I am to stay clean, of what I have lost to video games. Rather what I have lost to my inability to maintain control and not obsess over video games. The list is very long. It includes almost ruining my dating life multiple times, my engagement, and my marriage. It includes being a contributing factor to more than one grade received that is below my ability. It includes countless rounds of depression, lost social opportunities, lost friends. It includes the rape of my creativity, the sacrificing of the ghosts of books that haunt my dreams unwritten, and the real life masteries I forsook to take up mastery in a game.

What have I gained for it? A few achievements? Characters that won't matter at all in five years and will be outdated and undergeared in five weeks? Countless hours, days, weeks, months, years of my life wasted waiting, playing, grinding, collecting, questing, raiding....for what? So that a bit of code on a server changed a little. So that the electronic representation of my wasted life has better gear.

It isn't worth it. This is a declaration that I needed to realize and make when I first was given the opportunity to play WoW. That while it is fun, it is a game and not worth the obsession. It is not worth the lost time of my life.

Detox will be difficult. Probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. I have a lot of hard times ahead of me. It is made more difficult in that I have friends that I have played various MMORPG's with for six+ years that are currently playing wow. They understand my need and my decision but Wow is the easiest way of talking to them. I sometimes wonder if they are addicts themselves, trapped like I am. They are usually playing, and while I could chat in vent with them, conversation is always about Wow, and thus not a good environment for me. It is all difficult.

If you are an addict, I pity you, and understand your plight first-hand. Remain strong. I'd love to chat with anyone who is suffering as I am. Please email me or contact me via YIM: tigerus2004 *at* yahoo.com Thank you for reading.
-VG

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