Leader

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Apathy

I've been playing games for as long as I can recall.  I have always had something I've wanted to play, and couldn't wait to play it.  Even if it was an old game I was eagerly returning to.  For the first time in my life, I have a very hard time playing anything for any length of time.  After about ten minutes, I get bored, and want to do something else.  The problem is that there is nothing else.  There is no game that can capture my attention or desires, and things in real life don't appeal to me either.  I guess its depression, but that doesn't even seem to quite fit the bill.  Its more apathy than anything else.

The realization of this started when my friend came over and we played some Nazi Zombies (WaW edition, not the remakes from Black Ops).  It was fun for a little bit, and after he left I tried to play a little on my own and got bored of it before I died the first time (that was by round 4, I rarely make it past six or seven solo because I'm such a great FPS player).  Zombies is a challenging game for me because I am so bad at FPS, and its PVE, so I don't feel bad about being owned by eight year olds.  At any rate, a game that usually interested me instead did nothing to hold my interest.

I really don't even know why I'm sharing this on a blog I haven't updated in some time.  I doubt any readers I did have are still around, and reading (those that were probably could care less about my personal problems, and would rather this post be about something relevant to gaming).  If you're reading thus far, then I'll continue to rant about my life.  I think I'm entering a deep bit of depression, that is hard for me to escape.  My life is in terrible shape.  I work making slightly above minimum wage, part time, smiling and being nice to some of the meanest, cruelest and dishonest people you will ever meet.  I have a Master's degree in a useless field in this economy (English), and my options for careers are to get a different degree, pay a great deal of money for a certification of some sort (either a technical certification in programming or a teacher's certification in English), or continue to slave away in my personal hell, and look for jobs I'm underqualified for by a fairly arbitrary set of rules.

I've been told English is a skills degree, that if I want to get a job I need to highlight my skills.  I have excellent problem-solving skills...in fact, I enjoy playing with problems to find interesting solutions to them.  This is the same reasons I like strategy games....it teases and works my brain.  I like breaking games within the rules, for the same reasons.  I have strong written and verbal communication skills...this is from years of writing and talking.  I can communicate ideas very clearly and concisely, especially if I'm trying to convince others of my point of view.  I have very strong rhetorical and logical skills.  This is, again, thanks to years of writing papers arguing everything from abortions to the zeitgeist.

Problem is that these skills are useless in a job search.  Anyone who is a problem solver or is required to think critically as a job role is in middle or upper management...they are decision makers...not a job given to someone with little experience.  Strong communication skills are great....until the fact that I an anti-social and prefer to do my communication in written form comes up.  Rhetoric and Logic are similar to the rest, useful but only let run free in the upper reaches of the corporate world....

anyway, that's about all for now.  Sorry to bore you with my personal problems.
-VG